and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
