I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
