I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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