I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
