Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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