So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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