Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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