He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
