Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
