I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
