did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
