i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
