I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
