what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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