whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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