Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
