ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
