I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
