I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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