The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
