My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
