I just cut my nipple shaving
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
