So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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