So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
