you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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