did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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