in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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