I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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