I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
