Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
