She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
