I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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