The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
