did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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