Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need water and some morals
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
