so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
