Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
