K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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