Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You smell like stripper and shame
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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