Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
