My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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