i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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