thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
