your thong is hanging out like whoa
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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