There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
