Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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