I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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