seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
