Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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