Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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